'Twas the Night Before Christmas

[Andy Velebil]

As published HERE, with our own Mr. Hersh making an appearance.


The original Parody

Circa. 1990

With minor alterations.

Twas the night before Christmas when all through the cave,
Not a bottle was open, not even the Chave!
The wine racks were stocked in the cellar with care,
In hopes that Bob Parker soon would be there.

The magnums nestled on a big bottom rack,
While Portos were standing alone in the back.
And the champagnes were chilling in buckets of ice
With the Sauternes awaiting foie gras by the slice.

When by the port tongs I heard a bottle shatter,
Saw Hersh looking guilty, "Why, whatever's the matter?"
Then away to my stash, I flew like a flash,
And searched the racks in fear of someone so brash.

The light on the rim of the uncorked porto
Confirmed all my fears, and thus I said, "OH, NO!"
The 94s were open, their corks strewn about,
When out on the lawn I heard a loud shout!

I knew in a moment it must be RP,
For he sniffed, he swirled and he shouted quite freely:
"Now Miller, now Martin, now Galloni, now Squires,
On Schildknect, on Zraly, on Teague, and Richman..."

Those gnarled little gnomes did jump from the vehicle
Helping Parker with cases of verticals....
His shoulders drooped because of the jeroboams,
"But," he muttered, "La Chapelle!"--and added Rhones.

And then in a twinkling I heard by the rack
The clatter of each bottle removed from his sack.
A wink of his eye, a twist of his head,
And all the racks were filled, even the red.

Magnificent vintages, all the best potables,
To make our night ever more notable.
Then he ran to his Vinotheque, looking like Bacchus,
Leaving Latour, La Tache, Pegau and Petrus.

With the cave at capacity, the future bright,
Fonseca in one hand, Yquem by his right,
I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and I KNOW you'll sleep tight!"
__________________

[Al B.]

Bravo!

It's 2am on Christmas Day here. Earlier I read the original version of this to the children (must keep this version for when they are older!), the stockings are now by their beds, the presents are under the tree and it's just reached half time in the Denver - San Diego game.

Happy Christmas all. I shall toast you with the Dow 2001 LBV that was opened at dinner last night.

Alex

[Luc Gauthier]

I have a soft spot for "Gramma got run over by a raindeer"